All Under Heaven

PS Scandal...

2006-08-12T03:13:00.000+08:00

Beware of Hidden Cameras

While You Were Sleeping...

2006-08-12T02:57:00.000+08:00

This is what good men do when you are not looking...

My New Account

2006-05-21T15:36:00.000+08:00

My new account is starting to be a pain in the ass. It hasn't gone live but it already is giving me headaches.

The first task is to determine what we think would be the best service window for us. So thhey provided us with their Monthly and Daily contact volume. Err... Those don't really help because for us to determine when it would be best for us to be open, we have to know when during the day we can maximize our agents. What we need is a sample of how their intra-day arrival pattern looks like.

We need to call the client again to get them this. Well, they managed to get us one. However, we do intra-days are usually done in 30-minute intervals (sometimes 15) and yet they gave us just an hourly interval pattern. So I just assumed that every 30 mins is just half of the hourly volume, death to accuracy.

The next task is to determine how much volume the kick off FTE can handle. Usually, a client would tell us how many calls they will be routing to our center and from there we determine how many agents can handle it. We use this formula:

Well, it just a simple workback to get the number of calls we can handle. However, here lies the problem. Based on the volume that they sent us, their volume seems to drop constanly every month. If we expect that to normalize for the coming months, their proposed number of agents can handly more than what they can supply us. We would be under utilizing our agents.

I already sent my reccommendations to my boss and we'll see if I'm just worrying to much or not.

Patabaing Baboy Week...

2006-05-21T15:21:00.000+08:00

With all the calories that I consumed because of my 3 day long birthday celebration, I can't believe I was so lazy to go to the gym. The only day that I took gym seriously was yesterday.

I read an article about people who go to the gym and take their couch potato attitudes with them. Unfortunately, I feel that I'm one of them. So there goes my 2,990 pesos per month.

Starting Monday, I swear I'll take the gym more seriously. I need to finally get rid of those baby fats. And I'll start to diet.

So Lord help me.

2006-05-16T02:45:00.000+08:00

I'm being pirated by a rival call center...

My thoughts, unless they offer me something like at least 30% more than what I'm currently getting, with the same non tangible benefits, will I plan to consider.

I love PoepleSupport so much!

***

I will be handling one of our new accounts. I'm so excited. Got in a client call once and it seems that this one is quite shrewed. That is supposed to make things more interesting. I'll be working on their forecast analysis this week to come up with the best service window for them. I haven't seen the SOW... I'll dig that up later.

***

Long weekends can sometimes be such a pain. I expect to be harrassed when I came back on Tuesday. Meetings galore and hello thousands of emails!!!

Oh well... There's no such thing as free lunch...

***

This perks me up every morning.

The Jamie, Jack & Stench Show at Star 98.7 FM

Enjoy them weekday mornings... They are on Central Standard Time (I think...).

My Birthday Recount

2006-05-16T01:51:00.000+08:00

I really didn't plan my birthday to be so much of a big deal. Somehow, I think my 24th year will be a special one so I guess I needed to give it its proper welcome. Well, apparently, everyone in my YM friends list knew about my birthday. I made a countdown in my status message so everyone who im's me would always call me "birthday boy." I kinda enjoyed it.

Also, since May 14 happens to be the start of a work week. Everytime I mention it in my emails for changes in schedules, movements and realeases I would put in quotes: "My birthday :)".

I guess that made me and the people I work with excited about my big day. The DR Training team even gave me a gift. They said I deserved it because they love me and appreciate all the hard work that I do for them. The though that they appreciate me (despite of me being suplado...) is a gift already.

On the big day itself, I managed to get myself enough sleep. I woke up a bit late. Just in time for us to go out and have lunch. Since its also mothers day, I thought it would be the best time to treat my mom and my other aunts out. We didn't make any reservations. Now I learned why making reservations are really important. While waiting to be seated I was busy observing how they do their operations. I realized that the "Queueing Theory" is also useful outside the contact center industry. Thanks to Agner Erlang. =)

After we feasted, we headed to Robinsons Place to shop. I never really saw anything that I like because the place is so crowded so I just window shopped for home furnishings with my mom. After that we watched Posiedon. For me it was a disappointment. Although Christian was so hot, I hope the movie gave importance to the characters as well.

I asked them to drop me in Hidalgo (yes its in Quiapo...) so I can do my DVD shopping. I baught 7 titles and I was so excited with "SHadowless Sword," a Korean martial arts film. I love it so much. Nice story, fight scenes... everything. I place it in the ranks of Seven Swords and The Promise.

My boss also allowed me to be on leave on Monday. He's so nice! That gave me a chance to see Henry. We saw "Reincarnation." I have to say sorry to Henry because I was really really sleeply and I slept for one part or two. After that we played Tekken in PS2. As expected he got creamed. We had dinner and dessert. Seeing him was nice. I love his company and I really wouldn't mind if we get together even everyday.

Since I had a long weekend, and there's the storm I got to sleep alot. That's why I'm only recounting everything only now.

Thanks to all who wished me well on my birthday!

Yet Another Year...

2006-05-16T01:38:00.000+08:00

Ok... I really dont know how to start this but here goes nothing...

I'M 24!!!

After 525,600 minutes of waiting, loving, hating, fighting, laughfing and living life, I am yet faced with another year. Yes, i know I have been blessed so much for the past year. I have worked so hard and set high standards for myself. Now I'm realizing some of the fruits of my hard work. And I know more than anything else, the best is yet to come.

I'm wiser than ever and I know the world will make way for me.

Camwhoring To The Max!

2006-05-08T02:57:00.000+08:00

Ice Age 3... Hehe...

The New Superfriends...

My New Girlfriend...

The Usual Bali-leeg Pose...

Its The National Pink Day...

All The Hard Work For Nothing...

2006-05-08T02:29:00.000+08:00

I hate it!

There is this new account that I'm handling and I shall call it "D." According to countless client calls, D is supposed to go live May 6 3 PM EST (May 7 3 AM MLA). So on my end, I preapared early. I made sure that my schedule file is already in place with a working break schedule and after I received the final list of agents, I did the schedule assignments and plotted their corresponding interims. The training schedule is already in place and the agents were informed of this.

Wednesday night, we received an email saying that the client wants the live date one day earlier. We were all mad about it. The agents who are supposed to take their off that night did not show up. We can't have the training on the same day as the live date. Ops jsut wouldn't want to pay for overtime. So our team decided to just conduct the training that night. That means calling up the agents and telling them to just come to work. I made a handfull of schedule adjustments so that they will not be tagged as late and be accommodated in the training. At that point I know the agents are getting pissed and they are blaming it all to on because I make their schedules.

We got through Wednesday night and hoped that everything will go well on Friday night.

When Friday night came, I was busy setting up D. I sent out an email to inform everyone that we are going live that night. I was orienting the RTA's on how to monitor the account. Two hours before the big event, an email came in saying that the client decided to go live on May 8th instead.

All of us wanted to jump out of the building because of dismay. All the hard work for nothing.

I think this account will be a pain in the ass!

On One on One...

2006-05-08T01:50:00.000+08:00

Atlas, I'm done with my feedback session! Its one of my most dreaded part in work. When the boss goes to your station with his steno pad and says, "Are you ready?" it really gives me the unstoppable throb.

I know I had my share of misses and the result of the feedback got me so surprised. Bill told me how he thinks that I'm doing a really good job. He likes it how I managed to build a good relationship with Ops (considering the fights that I picked earlier on...hehehe...). Moreover, he noticed how Ops, in a short span of time gve their confidence on me. He got impressed on how I give them staffing anylsis, forecasts and reccommendations like I'm already a seasoned Forecaster and Scheduler.

When it was my turn to tell him my thoughts about my job and about him, I returned the favor and told him that I think he is running the house quite smoothly. I told him how I like his ability to determine who needs help and attention. He usually lets me do my thing. He even lets me do my own client calls. And as a person who likes to do things my own way, I like that.

Hay...

It realy feels good to know that your efforts are appreciated.

Will You Light My Candle?

2006-04-10T02:34:00.000+08:00

I watched Rent last weekend in G4 alone (here I go again) before I went to Ring's drinking party at her place.

Rent was spectacular. I never imagined it to be that good. The stage production did not catch my attention. But when they filmed it and I saw Paloys came out of the cinema and told me how good it was and how it made him cry, I told myself that I should never miss this one.

And I didn't. And I love it so much!

I get to identify with Rodger. Both of us have excess baggages that keeps us from moving on. Things that happened in the past keep me from enjoying like and living it like heaven is on earth. They have given me so much inhibitions and fears that I sometimes can't seem to recognize myself.

But enough of the drama.

I personally think Benny was hot. Hehehehe... And Mark reminded me of Marlon.

While they were singing Seasons of Love I day dreamed that I was part of it.

Well I really love it and I'll definitely grad a DVD copy.

Photobucket

2006-03-17T06:20:00.000+08:00

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

Christmas and Work

2005-12-30T16:59:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I've spent Christmas away from my family because of work. And now it will be the same thing for New Year's Eve. The last time we weren't complete was when my mom had to be in Sydney to take care of my Gramps. I was 16 back then. For me that was one lonely Christmas.

This year, I was a bit indifferent. I mean I wasn't happy that I'm working but then again, I wasn't that lonely not being with my family on Christmas Eve. I don't know why but I guess, when you mature, you try to let go of things you've gotten used to and hold on others. And at my age, I' doing just that but I'm still trying to be discerning so as not to let of the things that makes me whole.

I love work. Don't get me wrong, I don't love my job. It's more stressful than what I was doing months earlier. But I love to work. It keeps me sharp. It makes me more responsible. It makes me independent. It makes me more mature.

2005-12-08T00:57:00.000+08:00

"Some people just don't realize how beautiful they are."

These were Steve's last words before he left for Cebu. And they mean so much to me. Steve is so charming, intelligent, assertive and nice. Everything that I am looking for in a man. But I know Cebu is his home and I'm not that mature enough to follow my where my heart leads.

He showed me how special I am. And somehow my self image has improved because of that. Somehow I re-learned self worth. I felt the need to become a better person. With the little time I spent with him, he made a better person.

Now I'm stuck with Carlo.

He maybe dropdead beautiful but he's making my life miserable. Call it love or stupidity or whatever but I can't let him go.

It's hell to be with him. He appreciates nothing. He's even more hot headed than I. He calls me names. He does all these and makes me feel that I deserved it. But I can't leave him. I don't know why.

Self worth, I think I unlearned it again.

Demons, The Witching Hour and Emily Rose

2005-11-27T02:42:00.000+08:00

I watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose with Sonick at Robinsons Place Manila. After gym, we went ahead and get our tickets for the last full show at 9:50 PM. I never really liked watching films in Rob Manila since the cinemas there are quite ghastly. Since its not like the one's in Glorietta or Greenbelt, you can come in anytime. We were too early for the 9:50 screening so when we got it, the previous screening is not yet done. We waited at the "lounge" (at least i think it was). That experience was awful, we can't sit on anything because everything seems dirty and we can even smell the Men's washroom that's about 5 meters away from us.

Eventhough it was the last screening, the cinema still has a lot of people. We sat at center of the middle row at the middle column. On our left were two guys (I think they're lovers). And infront of us were a bunch of med students (Hmmm... they're wearing their uniforms) who were annoyingly loud. I don't know if the other annoyingly loud bunch were at our back or on our right.

The movie never got me scared like "Fung Shei" did. I got more interested in the court room drama. Erin Bruner was so smart to come up with a case that showed the scientific basis for and exercise of faith. That gave me something to think about.

I did not know that more than one demon can invade your body until I watched the film. Emily's body was possessed by 6 demons. I'm quite familiar with 5 of them. The other one, Belial, got my interest. I did a little reseach on him and I found out that he's the Demon of Lust and Pride. My research lead me to finding out Angel Sanctuary, an anime about a fallen angel who got reincarnated in to a young boy.

The movie also highlighted the significance of 3:00 AM for Catholics. Normally, when we hear The Witching Hour, we think of 12 midnight. We say that this is the time when Dark Magic and Witchcraft is at its strongest. That's why most wiccan spells and rituals are suggested to performed during midnight. For catholics, our Witching Hour is 3:00 AM. They consider it the unholy hour because its an inversion of 3:00 PM which the holy hour, the Death of Christ. Dark forces use this time to mock the Holy Trinity.

I extended my research to cover things about the Witching Hour and Anne Rice suddenly came into the picture. The popular author of the Vampire Chronicles also came up with The Mayfair Chronicles. This trilogy is about the Mayfair Family, one of the most powerful and wealthy in the world, but they have a very dark secret. Yes, they are witches. The Mayfair empire only exists because of the power of the spirit. I've read a few of its reviews and they all got me interest to read the whole trilogy.

Again, I never really found the movie scary while watching it. However, it gave me a lot of things to think about when I got home. It got me anxious about waking up at three in the morning and suddenly smelling something burning. Looking at my glass window when the lights are off started to give the goosebumps. But ultimately, the thought of demons possessing me...

Watch it!

Sonick, Me and Harry

2005-11-17T22:49:00.000+08:00

I knew a lot of people would want to watch Harry Potter 4 most especially during the opening day. So I never made plans of watching it at least in its first week. Good thing Sonick made reservations for two on the opening date (and god it was a good thing that we are seeing each other) and offered to go watch it with me.

Sonick and I meet at Timezone around 9:30 PM. We got the tickets and went to McDonalds to grab something to eat. After eating, we went back to timezone and played a couple of games. Of course I had my usual Soul Calibur II. This time I was Xiang Hua and for the first time, I got to appreciate the use of kicks rather than her sword. I aslo played Tekken 4.

When we got bored, we decided grab some lollies and seetle inside the cinema. We were too early hoping to see some cool previews but to no avail. All we saw are a bunch of commercials.

But of course we didn't go there for all those previews. We went there for this.

I liked it so much. I never read the book so I couldn't tell which one's better. But Sonick tells me that the movie removed a lot of things that were in Book 4.

What's interesting about this movie is that all of them seem to have matured. Ron seem to have grown so tall. Hermoine looked so preety and surprisingly, Harry has gotten quite a nice bod to show. Speaking of body, Viktor Crum showed that being a wizard is not all about magic, they can be hot aswell. Who could forget Cedric. He is just so handsome! How I wish he didn't die.

No doubt this is the best HP movie ever so far. And I can't wait for the next one.

Our House

2005-11-14T00:30:00.000+08:00

As I've said earlier, the past few weeks have been the busiest ones for me. My usual day would begin at 9:30 AM when I wake up and do my early morning rituals. By 11 AM, I arrive at the gym for a 1:30 work out. And at 2:00 PM I start work. Ideally, I would finish at 11 PM but most of the time I leave at around 12 to finish some other stuff. When I arrive home, its already 1:00 AM and I only have my time for evening rituals before I go to sleep.

With that kind of lifestyle coupled with the ongoing house renovation, I took me only now to notice some new things not only in my room but with the entire house.

Let's start with my room. I got surprised when I found out that my personal (financial and other documents) stuff are not it its original component in my cabinet anymore. Apparently the maid put all of it in a bigger compartment. Well I don't trust that she can understand all those things so I didn't get mad. Plus the fact that it looked better that way because now they will never get folded.

I also realized that my usual blue curtains are now pink. Good thing my mom knows that I love that color. Also I have a new book shelf. And I didn't think that they's notice my very unusual plastic bag connection that they'd put all of it in one big compartment.

Until now I'm having a hard time turning lights on because after the electical fixtures were re-oriented, all the sockets and switches are not in their usual places. The same goes with the furnitures. I always bump onto something while finding my way to the washroom because I've gotten so used to where things were before.

Gosh! I feel so alien inside my house. I guess that's its way of teeling me, "stay home!"

FINALLY!!!

2005-11-13T17:39:00.000+08:00

Finally... I'm on L E A V E!!!

Yes! I'm on leave and it will be for 2 days!

I've realized that for the past weeks I've been working my ass out, rendering OT here and there, leaving me only one day of rest in a week. Good thing my immune system has not fail me (...yet). That's one thing I don't like about my WFM. I submit that it is the most stressing job (sorry...being an agent only comes in second). So howcome we remain understaffed? Oh well I don't wanna hear their sob story.

But the most important thing is, I'll have TWO days for destressing and I'm planning to make the most of it.

A few days ago, I've reloaded my TANTRA account (Lenin would be proud of me) and of course I'm planning to continue that quests I left hanging. The thing with tantra is that aside from it awesome 3D graphics, it boasts of a very rich story line. My collegue Ariel also told be about Priston Tale and it got me a bit interested. I might try it out soon.

I've also been planning to do some DVD shopping. Probably I'll do that tomorrow. Our new DVD player needs some testing (haha).

And of course... I have to do some blog-catching-up. I'll do that later.

For now... Off to Tantra!

On Falling...

2005-11-11T16:16:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you just can't help but fall.

No matter how many times you hurt yourself youl'd still end up walking that slippery slope again and again. The more you try to control it, the greater impact it creates.

Its madness!

Skinhead Boy!

2005-11-08T18:39:00.000+08:00

I guess its human nature.

We still hope even when we know that the future is bleak. We still ask even when the answers are already infront of us. We love even when we know that pain is at hand.

Its so stupid.

So Sad...

2005-11-07T19:29:00.000+08:00

I finished my reports quite early today so I found myself bloghopping and catching up with my abandoned blogger friends. After reading all the blogs in my links panel, I starred at my main PC monitor for about a minute or two thinking about all the things that I have missed.

I realized that I've been quite busy and all my efforts are focused in doing good at my job and mastering in quite a faster pace than my contemporaries. Well, I can say that I'm accomplishing just that.

But then again I still feel that I lack direction. I don't know where i'm headed. It feels like life is taking control over me instead of myself taking control of it. I don't like this feeling.

RANDOM THOUGHTS...

2005-11-06T17:56:00.000+08:00

I know that everybody gets hurt. But howcome I feel that I get hurt far worse and far more often than other people. It's just isn't fair.

***

Don't you just hate it when people take advantage of you because they know that you like them? I mean I guess its ok if you did something for them and they'll appreciate it. But some people wouldn't even say "THANK YOU!"

***

I hate Sunday's everything at work is so fuckin slow!!!! It delays me!!!!

***

When you play a game, be sure that you know the rules... Because if you don't, you'll get into a brawl... And it will hurt a lot!

***

Moving on is inevitable. In times when you're all fucked up because of a broken heart, you'll still find yourself thinking of what to wear to work tomorrow.

Getting over it is much harder. There are some things that time may not heal.

***

I just wanna die right now!

Of Stalkers And Friendster

2005-11-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

Whatelse could be worse than having a stalker? It's having that stalker in the same company... same building... same floor.

One of my girl friends here in the office has a lesbian for a stalker. Although it's not the first time for her since she came from an all-girl school, this one really freaks her out. We'll I don't blame her. It really is freaky when you know that your stalker is just at the other side of the office.

She has taken drastic steps already and escalated it to HR. Of course all of us are wishing to hear the end of it soon.

This ruckus caused by my friend's stalker kept me thinking. Aren't we "stakers" in certain moments in our lives? Maybe not in its stictest sense but once in a while we stare at our crushes for hours that it almost melts them. Sometimes we chose to go certain ways because whe know that that's where our crush is headed. Most of the time we even dream to be at least three inches away from them. What's worse we tend to do the most stupid things jsut to get their attention.

Its funny that Friendster "came-up" with a way to detect potential stalkers. Now they have the "WHO VIEWED ME" feature. Now you'll know who viewed your profile and perhaps know how many times they viewed it.

When my officemates learned about it, they wen furius becasue their crushes will know that they were viewed by them. Good thing Friendster also has "STEALTH" mode which renders the "WHO VIEWED ME" futile.

I personally like this feature. Why because I don't care if people will see me a "STALKER." I think it should flatter them even.

After all, we all are "STALKERS!"

Broken Vow

2005-09-07T14:28:00.000+08:00

Here I go again. I think.

I have been trying to suppress this feeling but everytime I see him, the feeling grows. Its growing up to a point that it's starting to hurt. Now that I know I'll be seeing more of him, I know I'm about to self-destruck. Again!

Why do I keep on letting myself down.

Returning

2005-09-07T02:20:00.000+08:00

I guess I miss Blogger so much. And due to insistent public demand (hahaha), Si|vErGiNn's back!

Weird!

2005-07-25T18:03:00.000+08:00

My pal Marlon warned me of going back to my old workaholic-self. Everytime we get to see each other at Greenbelt, all I talk about is my new job and how mush stress its giving me. I must admit, there's nothing in my mind right now but work. After being promoted, getting a weekday off, got busy cathing up with the vets in the team and redeeming myself from all the bloopers that I had during my first few weeks, I got less and less interested with a lot of things.

The energy that I used to have during Jam class started to wane. I haven't been updating my blog lately. Mirc doesn't appeal to me anymore. It seems that I have forgotten that I'm the moderator of Mah Blog. What's worse, I lost interest in dating.

I don't know what's happening to me. Work has taken so much of my time. Its wearing me out physically and emotionally. But I'm liking it.

Something's not right I know.

Something New

2005-07-18T23:44:00.000+08:00

Don't you just like the shades of purple?

Web Bands

2005-07-06T22:51:00.000+08:00

While doing my usual blog-hopping, I noticed that some of the blogs that I frequent suddenly have these little "decorations" either at the top left or top right hand side of their pages. These "decorations" contain slogans. I found it cool so I went ahead and found out what those are and how they got it. My double-clicking led me to the site OpenMind.com. In that site, I found out that they call it "web bands" and the words written on it are certain causes that the site owner advocates.

Openmind.com believes in approaching various aspects and issues of life and society such as races, sexual orientations, cultural values, religious beliefs, political positions, and so on with an open-mind, hence their the name of the site. They aslo started "web bands" in February of 2005. The idea of putting bands in websites came from the common wrist-band that come with different slogans for causes that they support. Since the internet is a very powerful means of expression and its reach is vast, they adopted the idea to advance their advocacies.

I got myself one. It says "Count Me Pink." Since I can't take an active role in advancing gay rights and acceptance because of my busy personal life, I figured this is the least that I can do to help my fellow advocates.

So if you guys believe in a certain cause and you want people to know about it and create some form of consciousness, try out putting on one of these in your webbies.

My two cents.

The Princess And The Cowboy

2005-07-04T22:47:00.000+08:00

My brother and I never became close. In fact, I dispise him! Everytime I see him my tummy churns. I don't think we will ever get along.

We are each other's antithesis. It was never hard for my mom's and dad's friends to distinguish which is which. It doesn't end with the physical features (I got mine from my dad's side and he got his from mom's). He is so ill mannered, clumsy and rowdy. I'm the reserved type. He's such a big mouth while I'm just the smily one. He's the rugged type while I'm preety vain. He's the cowboy and I'm the princess.

More than the superficial, there is a deeper reason for the grudge. He was never a brother to me.

The little one who was so frail would have to learn to be tough because big brother is not there pick him up when he falls. He has to learn to fight his own battles because big brother is not there to protect him. He has to learn how to get himself out of trouble because big brother is not there to save him. He has to learn to survive on his own because big brother will not be there for him. He will never be.

I guess that's the reason why I'm not the type who shows too much emotion. For me to show emotion is to show tenderness. People won't see me cry in front of them (with one exception). They will never see my vulnerable side.

All my growing up years were spent learning not to ask help even when I'm in dire need of it. I had to find out things on my own. The lack of someone to look up to made me responsible for my actions.

Perhaps I should be thankful. But then again, if only he had been a better brother to me, I would have been a better person. More complete...more human.

I wanted to experience how it is to be protected, how it is to be saved, how it is to be cared for. I wanted to experience how it is to have a loving brother.

Another Meme Post

2005-06-25T21:31:00.000+08:00

Tagged by Marlon

List five songs that you are currently digging... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artist and the song in your blog along with your five songs. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.

My Meme:

Nina - At Your Best
Vonsell Solomon - Anyone Who Had A Heart
Lyrics Born - Calling Out
Sarah Geronimo - I Wanna Know What Love Is
MYMP - Tell Me Where It Hurts

I tag:

Body Electic
Zuleika
Jove
Rhinitis
Aventine Hill

Moving On

2005-06-25T19:28:00.000+08:00

I took calls for Earthlink for more than a year. So I think its inevitable to miss it as I transfer to a different department and perform different duties.

I no longer take calls from irate callers who call their PC’s stupid when they themselves don’t even know how it works. Or shady callers asking for a refund check when they have an outstanding balance for not paying their monthly dues. No more non-GUI database and our hypocritical effort to up sell home networking. I don’t even have to worry about the wrath of the quality analysts who think that being by the book really makes a call good and customer satisfaction high. Moving away from Earthlink really is freedom!

I was correct. Now I’m missing Earthlink!

Yesterday, I went to JG Summit to visit my former team. As usual, even if its night time in the US, the queue is still heavy. I can hear the usual spiel, “you need to unplug the cable modem from the power source and shutdown your computer;” as well as, “for future verification purposes, please provide me with your father’s middle name?” I thought I was lucky I wouldn’t be saying those words anymore. However part of me felt bad.

When I looked around, I saw faces that will soon be alien to me. Soon I will get used to not seeing them. Soon I will get used to not pulling my antics with them. Soon I will get used to not hearing our same sentiments about Earthlink and our job. And soon they will feel the same.

Yes, I’ll be leaving them! That idea finally got into my system. Moving into a different department in a different building is still entails leaving the people who inspired you to persevere and do well in your work. It still entails leaving the people you made memorable ties with. And I guess that’s that reason why this early, I’m already missing Earthlink.

On the other hand, I know that I have to move on. To be given a work that necessitates greater responsibility is a gift. I must and I know that I will find the same inspiration and drive I got from the people in Earthlink. I know I will make memorable ties just like the one I made when I was with Earthlink.

Soon I’ll get used to seeing different sets of faces. Soon I will get used to pulling my antics with a different set of people. Soon I will get used to sharing my sentiments about my job with my workmates. Soon my new workmates will feel the same!

One Step Forward

2005-06-19T17:38:00.000+08:00

Almost three months ago, I submitted my first-ever IJAF (Internal Job Application Form). I figured that being in PeopleSuppot for about one year and three months, I have already proven myself worthy to take a position of greater responsibility. I applied for the Real Time Analyst opening in the Workforce Management department. This department has always been in my "to watch out for openings" list perhaps because I'm an Econ major and what thet do seems to be inside my comfort zone.

My batchmate Wacky (who is a perpetual promotion seeker) is telling me that I just needed to be patient because HR really takes time in processing those IJAFs and I may not hear from them within three to four weeks. And so I waited. After about three weeks of waiting I started to get frustrated from not hearing anything about my application. I told myself that I should actively start applying for other companies because my future in this company seems to be bleak.

After weeks of being reluctant, I got an email from one of the Workforce Supervisors inviting me for an Excel Proficiency Exam. Finally, something about my application! I took the exam. It was pretty easy because it only covered the basics of Excel. Thought I did not prepare for it, I felt that they should have given rather a harder and more application-type exam. I wasn't able apply my four years of doing regression analysis, data management, and record keeping using both Excel and Access and some Statistical Software (haha yabang!).

Two weeks passed and I received another email from Workforce. This time it was for an interview. They scheduled it two hours before my shift. So that means I have to be in the office around 4:30 AM and I have to wake up at around 2:30 AM (I'm so slow!). What a drag! Moreover, since I figured that the interview wont be that long, I would have nothing to do for about more than an hour before my shift.

I made it just in time. When I met my interviewer, I got shocked that she invited over the big boss of Workforce (a foreigner) to be part of the panel. When they said that the interview will be on from 5 AM to 6AM, they were not joking. It really was a 1 hour interview. I think I did fairly well in despite my seeming difficulty in speech because my vocal chords are not yet streched. I also thought that being interviewed by a foreigner is quite intimidating. My charm might not work for him due to cultural differences (hahaha!). Apparently I did.

After a few weeks (last Thursday) I got a call from one of the Workforce supervisors congratulating me for being accepted as a new Real Time Analyst. I almost dropped my phone upon hearing that. The feeling of finally moving up is beyond words.

My supervisor Jimbo was very happy for me (I owe you an Old Spaghetti House Lunch!) Same goes for my teamates.

I told myself that this promotion is a product of my hard work, patience and perseverance. Though a cliche, good things come to those who wait. This promotion also gave an even brigther outlook about many things. It gave me more confidence and gusto to push harder.

Now, I am finally seeing direction!

Of Headers

2005-06-19T17:15:00.000+08:00

Hehe...

I like what I did to my template!

The wonders of Adobe Photoshop!

Trust List

2005-06-15T15:43:00.000+08:00

Right now, I have a very short "Who I Trust List." I managed to reduce the circle of people around me. There is no point of keeping too many "friends" who are just there for a good laugh. In as much as I want people to be burdened by my problems, I would also want to be burdened by theirs. I have learned to put classifications on poeple who I meet and I have been more discerning when it comes to people who I will call "friends."

I guess when you grow up and you take in more responsibilities you would want to think less about the people who you care about not more that just a good laugh. That's harsh I know, but you can't keep on hurting yourself by expecting too much from people when there is a lot at stake. Somehow you just have to learn to attach yourself to things that really matter.

When you go on a merry-go-round, you get to discern who to keep and who to let go off. Surprisingly, there are people that you never thought youl'd be holding on to.

Of EB's and Steve

2005-06-08T21:51:00.000+08:00

So MahBlog's First E.B. wasn't successful. I have a couple of people who have yet to hear my scorns. Perhaps I didn't become the uver-OC event organizer that I was when I was in college (ECOSOC CIRCA 2001-2002). My phone got busted in the office (I'll let you in on this next time) so I lost all my contacts and people cannot reach me. It was supposed to be an R.S.V.P. but because the phone incident, I couldn't afford to make it one. I could have assigned a contact person but that thought always slip my mind. So it ended to be just Lon, Sonny and myself.

After my shift, I proceeded to Greenbelt 1 to have my hair done. Yes, my skinhead is done in a salon! Then, I decided to window shop for phones. I found Motorola E398 (which I already have now) and i fell in love with it. Without knowing what time it was, I proceeded to Coffee Bean. I couldn't find a spot outside so I decided to wait till tables are vacated. Waiting got me hungry. By the time one group left, I realize I can't leave my bag outside to order. So I waited. Good thing Sonny came and I ordered my usual Pure Chocolate with Whip Cream and Chocolate Fudge Cake. It was a treat! Sonny was so surprised to see only me. I told him that there are a lot of people from PS who confirmed their attendance. He texted a couple. One forgot about it and is in Festival Mall, the other one over slept. Lon came after a few hours. She came from Los Banos to meet up with some friends and get her new kitten. When it struck 10:30, we decided to call it a night. Sonny needs to go home while Lon and I are supposed to watch Sin City.

I guess no matter how disastrous the first eb turned out, that Friday night still remained meaningful and special.

Waiting for people to arrive gave me the opportunity to have one good conversation with Sonny. He's one of the supervisors in PS. He also does the morning shift. I used to think of him as a bully-wacky-type of supervisor. When I found out that he has an MA in Film and he teaches it, it gave me a different impression. We talked about various topics. From Filipino Movies, Earthlink, PS, high school and college life and of course blogging. I know I didn't bore him. I could tell that he loved the conversation. He was so into it and I felt proud.

Lon, agreed to watch the LFS of Sin City with me (despite of her 8:30 shift the next day). I've always loved this girl. We have the same wavelenght (and she also came from UP). While waiting for the screening, we went to timezone to take advantage of the free games. I did not know that I had a hiddent talent in duck pin bowling. All my shots are strikes and spares. I was so proud of myself. We also played basket ball (Waaaa I lost!), Air Hockey and this funny shooting game (hehe...I got to practice my head shot).

What made the night more special was Steve. He's a badminton buddy turned into a close friend. I like this guy so much! We went out a couple of times after my break up with Ryan and for some reason, after that we haven't heard from each other. We saw each other on our way to the cinema. He was with some friends. He stopped and we talked for a couple of minutes. I totally forgot about Lon as was in a daze. My eyes are glued to his and his to mine. He was smiling differetly. It was the first time I saw that smile on his face. It was too flirty but innocent. He's asking me to text him my new number and he wants to hear from me again. I felt like fainting.

That surely gave me a big smile on my face before I slept.

PS: This is his message in Friendster dated June 7, 2005:

losing something even for a while makes us value them even more when they are back in our hands...

Brothers?

2005-05-31T23:21:00.000+08:00

What do you think?

MEME

2005-05-30T21:52:00.000+08:00

meme which i stole from everyone who did it.

a. Post the names of 20 of your favorite musicians.
b. See who can guess which is your favorite song by each.
c. Once someone guesses right, bold that row and include the song.

(in no particular order)

1. Regine Velasquez
2. Sarah Geronimo
3. Nina
4. Christian Bautista
5. Mariay Carey = Paloys Butterfly
6. Celine Dione
7. Whitney Houston = Marlon Saving All My Love
8. Dione Warwick
9. Patti Austin = Maui If I Believe
10. Luther Van Dross
11. Brian McKnight = Marlon One Last Cry
12. Britney Spears = Paloys Toxic
13. Christina Aguilera = Marlon What A Girl Wants
14. Angela Bofil = Maui You Should Know By Now
15. U-Turn = Marlon It's You
16. Spice Girls = Paloys 2 Become 1
17. N-Sync = Marlon Dirty Pop
18. Backstreet Boys
19. Blue
20. Jennifer Lopez = Marlon I'm Real

I will treat the one who got Christian Bautista's song to Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, Greenbelt 3!

On Loving

2005-05-22T20:42:00.000+08:00

I was watching this Sunday's episode of Y Speak Live. They were talking about about "who should love more in a relationship, the Guy or the Girl?" The side who favors that men should love more in a relationship believes that since women are more loving and caring, men should show extra effort to maintain the balance in the relationship. On the other hand, the other side believes that since women are more loving and caring, they should not expect a lot from their mates, "to whom much is given much is expected." At the end of the debate, the guests came to a point where they all agree that it should not be a question of who should love more. They believed that in a relationship, both parties should do their part for the relationship to survive.

At first, I was really problematic about the topic. Being the uverly love-struck romantic that I am, I felt that the amount of love the person is giving out cannot and should never be measured. Women maybe uverly showy and romantic, at the same time as men may be passive and mature, but these may never measure the amount of love that you are giving much more measure how much you are in love. Moreover, there are notable differences among people when it comes to expressing one's thoughts and feelings. This difference becomes more sufficing when you compare it across gender and sexuality groups.

Personally, I am inclined to think that who should love more in a relationship is such a stupid question to ask. Primarily because, you can never have a standard on how to measure love most especially when you cannot make a sound definition of it. Moreover, love should never be half-baked. It is either you love the person or you don't.

For me, Love is a state of being and not a state of doing. The things that you do for the other person are just manifestations of how you feel (love) and can never be mistaken with your feeling or state of being in love (thanks Atty. Danny Concepcion).

I love (here I go again) because I want to love. I don't love because I need to be loved. I don't love because I need someone to make me feel better of myself. I don't love because someone loves me. I love because I want to. I will only stop to love when the feeling of love is not there anymore.

That is why I never stopped loving RC even if I know that he's better off now that we're not together. That is why I kept on loving Braces even if it means being in a very compromising and morally (and ethically) questionable position. That is why I love Mr. Citrus even if he chose someone else.

When you should love, love with all your heart. Don't think of the consequences. There will always be consequences no matter which path you take anyways.

PS: Paloys, please spare me this post!

Broke

2005-05-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

For the past days, I kept on calculating how much money I have. I only left 500 pesos in my ATM and my wallet only have 1000. Payday is still next Tuesday so that more than one week. I dont think I'll survive.

God still loves me.

I suddenly remembered that I left 2000 pesos in my other wallet for back up! Now I can go out this Friday night!

HTML Madness

2005-05-21T02:03:00.000+08:00

Gosh!

I'm so fond of HTML right now. CSS just blows me away. I'm doing a few experimenting here so I hope you guys bear with me. Also, keep your suggestions coming in. I would greatly appreciate it.

Hip Hop

2005-05-17T22:07:00.000+08:00

My leg hurts. Just came home from Hip hop class. This time, my Dancing Buddy Martin wasn't there. That was the first time I attended that class alone. Good thing, they really take time to teach you each step. It makes it easier for me (and less embarrassing).

This season, they launched a new set of moves. And my Gowd..., this is the hardest among all the sets.

Good thing I finished the whole session.

I'm excited for the new Body Jam tracks.

Pictures From My Birthday

2005-05-17T07:00:00.000+08:00

Here is my overdue Birthday Pictures Post.... Hehehe....

After waking up from an uverly long sleep, the night of Friday the 13th, I slouched in front of my PC and connected to the internet. After logging in, I pulled up Outlook to check if I have emails. And yes I have some. Since it is only about 10:00AM, I really did not expect to receive a lot. Then, I openned Friendster, Downelink and Connexion to see if I have birthday messages there. There are a few. I don't know but when I check my friendster list, my first account still doesn't have that blinking cake icon so I guess it hasn't alerted the people yet. This time zone thinggy!

I watched Myx after that and I was so delighted to hear some of my favorite Christian Bautista songs. Gost, it was like Myx has sent me its Brithday Present (Hahaha...).

After having lunch with my folks, I dressed up and headed to Greenbelt for my birthday haircut. The receptionist told me that there six people who signed up before me so I must wait for my turn. I asked them how long I needed to wait, they said, about an hour. One Freakin' Hour! I singed up anyway because the only Going Straight branch other than the one in Greenbelt 1 is in Glorietta and I'm so tired to go there.

I guess since its my Birthday, the spirits are making way for me. After about 15 minutes of waiting, the receptionist stood up and told me that since the others are not yet around, I'll go next.

Around 3:30, I headed to Glorietta to get some things. I went to U department to get some clothes that I'll be wearing for tonight's dinner. I bumped into this semi fitting red shirt. After fitting it, I fell inlove with it already. And yes, it was my first swipe ever!

After that, I went to Bench to check out their caps. I did not like any so I got myself a body spray instead. Again, swipe!

I was so surprised to see a familiar face in the counter. A tall, fair, slim, and handsome guy. His songs suddenly ran in at the back of my head. Yes, its Christian Bautista! Gosh, he's so hot! Then I remembered that he now models for Bench.

By 4:30, I was supposed to head home. While finding my way out of Glorietta, I found this kids show in the activity center where they have mascots. I really love mascots eversince I was a kid. Until now I still feel the urge to have my pictures taken with them.

On my way to the MRT station, I passed by U-Turn. It really was my Birthday! They were singing some songsfrom their soon to be released album. Watching they was really a treat. Its not a very big crowd but they really had them singing.

When I got home, I started getting ready for my dinner.

I don't like to talk about the dinner that much but here's something to get you perked up.

Two Songs

2005-05-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

This song describes the way my love life goes.

Run To You
Whitney Houston

I know that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find
A girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone

I wanna run to you (oooh)
I wanna run to you (oooh)
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm
I wanna run to you (oooh)
But if I come to you (oooh)
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away

Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me
What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?

I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
If you only knew how much...

This song describes how I want my love life to be.

Try It On My Own
Whitney Houston

I’m wiser now
I’m not the foolish girl you used to know
So long ago
I’m stronger now
I’ve learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it your way
But now I need to do it all alone

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don’t care if I’m right or wrong
I’ll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I’ll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own
Yeah yeah, mmm, yeah yeah

It’s over now
I can’t go back to living through your eyes
Too many lines
And if you don’t know by now
I can’t go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had a chance to do things my way
So now it’s time for me to take control

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don’t care if I’m right or wrong
I’ll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I’m gonna keep it real you know
Time for me to do it

Oh I start again go back to one
I’m running things my way
Can’t stop me now, I’ve just begun
Don’t even think about it
There ain’t no way about it
I’m taking names, the ones of mine
Yes I’m gonna take my turn
It’s time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone

I am not afraid to try it on my own
And I don’t care if I’m right or wrong
I’ll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I’m gonna keep it real you know
It’s time for me to do it
See I’m not afraid

Simple Birthday Wish

2005-05-14T10:14:00.000+08:00

23, at last! Here comes another year for me. Another year of passion, pain, fun, life and love. The past year, just like any other year gave me a lot of life's lessons. Some of them I'm applying to day to day situations, some of them still prove to be challenging.

But as what every person would wish for a birthday celebrator, may I become a wiser, better and a more beautiful person.

Cheers for the Celebrator!

20 Minutes To Go And Still Clueless

2005-05-13T23:41:00.000+08:00

20 minutes before my birthday!

I'm so excited! I just got home from our Team Gimik and it was a blast. We were supposed to celebrate our team's performance for the past month but they cant help but bring up my birthday.

Grilla gave me a complimentary dessert (I really don't know what it was called but I swear it was no ordinary cake) and it was really toothsome! They even put a candle (which I kept) on it that made it extra special. And the best part, their crew sang happy birthday!

Until now I'm still clueless how to spend my day tomorrow. The original plan is I'll have dinner with a few friends in Makati and I'll meet up with Lenin afterwards. Lenin and I are planning to watch a movie in Greenbelt. I still have no idea which movie to see.

I just hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow. Good things are bound to happen to me everytime I celebrate my birthday.

I hope this year wouldn't be a different one.

PS: Watch out for my birthday pics!

Of Minis and Scheming Moms

2005-05-12T22:38:00.000+08:00

Finally, after months and months of waiting, I got myself a CREDIT CARD! It's a Citibank Clear Visa with Mini Visa.

I applied twice for a Standard Chartered Card but they rejected me twice. After that, I felt like I will never get myself one until I become a manager or a president of a company (Exage!). Good thing, Wacks pushed me to apply for Citibank.

Perhaps I was just lucky at that time because Wack's application got rejected. I wasn't really hoping that they'd grant mine. For several instances, I stood up their messenger, it took me a very long time to respond to their agents texts, I never returned their call and when I finally submitted my uverly late requirements, it wasn't even a hard copy.

Top top it all, I had the paranoia that my mom was scheming on giving the wrong information to the credit investigator. Surprisingly, she doesn't want me to get one. She thinks I'm still immature when it comes to my finances.

Some parts of me think that she's correct but then again. From the time I started working, I never asked her for anything. I would remember times when it felt like I was just a border in our house. We would barely see each other. I leave the house and would have dinner at work and when I get back, I head straight to my room and sleep. Breakfast is always with my officemates. Even in my off days, its either I'm sleeping or I'm out partying.

Then again, the card is here already. It will be a challenge to use it wisely but I'm always up for it.

Hmmmm... What will I shop for tomorrow?

Hip Hop Grind

2005-05-11T06:37:00.000+08:00

Hip hop class last night was a blast. I broke tons of sweat you wouldn't want to stad next to be (but I'm not mabaho :P ). That's one of my best classes. I'm not so much of a hard core hip hop dancer. So I skip some parts of the hiphop class that I think is too much for me. This time,I never had to skip a part.

Dancing is slowly getting into my system once again. And I'm excited!

Favorite

2005-05-11T06:34:00.000+08:00

Again, here is another favorite post.

I Love You Is The Most Bitter Line

I love you! It’s the most frustrating line for me right now. Words so sweet yet leaves you with so much bitterness. It’s very ironic that you can never say that greatest line to the one you love with all your heart because it will hurt your love’s loved one. Needless to say that it will hurt you knowing that your loved one would not be able to tell you that same line. It’s so frustrating to know that someone who has so much love to give doesn’t have someone to give it to.

Tonight, for the first time, I’ll be crying a river of tears for my prince.

From the very start I conceded that my battle will lead to nowhere but pain. I know that my prince only exists in my dreams and sooner or later I would have to rouse. The time to wake up has come. My prince’s real damsel has been found. He’s no longer mine. He has never been mine. That’s why I never asked him for anything. I never asked him to give me all the love in the world. Nor have I asked him to be mine. All I asked from him is to let me show how I feel.

But if I would have to live my life again, I’ll choose that same path that I traveled. I’d still show the same unconditional love that I showed my prince. Even if I cry a thousand rivers, I’ll be a fool and still love him.

I hope you are right my prince in saying that “goodbye does not mean forever it's one way of saying for now, I’ll be back soon." And to you I say goodbye. I’ll see you in the next track of what we call life.

I Romanticize Things Too Much

2005-05-08T22:17:00.000+08:00

We have different ways of dealing with things. Everything that life throws at us serves as our teacher and guide on how to handle and react at certain situations. Life taught me to always follow your heart. Feel what your heart tells you to feel. Because rationalizing things may just cause you more regret.

Life taught me that nothing is certain. Outcomes are not binary at all. You can never say that you should have done something else, becasue that something else may not give you what you want. So if you're heart tells you to go for it and you failed, just smile and say, "Nice try!"

My heart tells me to jump at any situation that makes me feel special. Go for any opportunity that spells love. Savor the feeling of happiness for I'm not certain if I'll feel that in any other outcomes that man may predict.

My heart tells me to "romanticize" things!

Dorko

2005-05-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

I don't know why he calls himself a "Dork." He really is far from being one.

He really made my night. When I saw him in Bed last night, I was so swept away. He was really dashing. A pinch of naughtiness and a handful of perkiness. Just what endears me. I never thought he'd recognize me. Much more talk to me and invite me to his birthday party tonight.

In my current state, there still is a reason to smile.

Hide and Seek

2005-05-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

That was one frustrating night. I went to Bed to unwind and once again be carefree and playful. Something came into my head and instead of having fun, I was so worried that I might see something I'd rather not see. Not only that, instead of getting myseld occupied by other things, I went on and search for what's keeping me upset that night.

Then I saw a couple of Reggies friend. My heart started pounding like crazy. Will I be seeing Reggie kissing another guy? I had it all in my head that I will be seeing him in the arms of another guy but not that soon. With teary eyes, I searched Bed like crazy and I even checked out their usual breakfast place.

Good for me I ddin't see him.

Handling Rejections

2005-05-06T16:35:00.000+08:00

One course in life that I kept flunking is "Handling Rejections."

A blogger friend said that we should not take rejections against ourselves. It's not you, it's the situation or the match. What the heck! One thing that I learned in this uverly sordid topic called love, rejections kill. One way or the other it will always be about you! To the other person, you're just not good enough.

Talk about rejection when you are in my shoes. I hope you could still say the same thing after going through what I have gone through. Perhaps if I'm as dashing and beautiful as you are I could say that. I'm still sometimes ashamed to look at myself in the mirror. The only thing that I have in me is hope. But that's not good enough.

To Mr Citrus Lover, don't ever think that wishing me well would make things easier. Saying that it's not all about me is just crap. If I were Brian Kinney would you still hesitate?

Again, I'm not really good at handling rejections. I admit, at this point, if I ever will see you, I'll punch you in the nose. All the bad things in this world, I hope will happen to you. I will never show pity, fate didn't spare me that. For all its worth, I hate you!

But one thing that's sad about all this, it will never change anything. I will remain rejected.

Body Jam

2005-05-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

I can't help it...

I admit! I have a new addiction.

Body Jam!

Dancing just perks me up, releases my tension, sets me free. Moreover, as I do it for fitness, it sheds of those calories. I have always loved to dance. When I was little, my parents would ask me to dance just to entertain our guests. My cousin, who was a dancer in high school would teach me their moves and that's what I'll use whenever we have presentations in class and school programs. In high school, dancing would have to take a back step because I was so into sports and I dont go to parties that much.

College gave me the opportunity to dance again. Parties saw me ruling the dance floor. However, I found it a really hard to do a dance number. I love to dance but I love to dance on my own grove.

When I started to attend body jam class, I was utterly clueless! I cant seem to find a way to follow the steps. At the back of my head I was telling myself that I could be a star dancing these tunes in clubs but not in this setting!

But God is good. After several classes, I mastered the steps for this season's tracks. During the remix period, I was introduced to new tracks and new steps. Surprisingly, I never had a hard time following the steps. I would master the new track right then and there.

Earlier was my best body jam class. I was dancing like a goddess. I was looking at myself in the mirror while dancing and I really look good. I never felt akward. I moved and gyrated like there was no tomorrow. Not holding back.

Gosh, I can't wait for launching of new season tracks!

Just Another Thought

2005-05-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

My profile picture looks great. It blends well with the template.

Reposts

2005-05-04T22:31:00.000+08:00

I'm about to change templates. The new Si|vErGiNn needs a new home. But while I'm preparing for this, here are two of my most favorite posts in "All Under Heaven." Enjoy!

The Prince on a Black Stallion

Last night, I had a dream. I was with my charming prince. We were riding our horses across the yellow green plane racing towards the foot of the hill. His was black; mine was white.

I was going a little bit slower. He’s asking if I’m okay, worried that I may not catch up. I told him I was and refused to let him slow down. As time goes by, the gap between us grew wider. It is apparent that my pace will not let me catch up. He kept on looking back and noticed my loss of vigor and stamina. His eyes are not fooling him. I was all bushed up. My usual stubborn and competitive self gave him a look of assurance that I was ok. I told him, “Go on…I will catch up!” The gap was so wide so I have to shout.

He looked away so I thought he’d move on. To my surprise, the black stallion turned and galloped towards me. I was in awe. He tied a knot on my horse, held my hand, and galloped at my pace. We ran towards the hill starring at each other.

Finally, we reached our destination. His eyes were still on me. I tried to look away to hide my blushing cheeks but to no avail a gentle hand held my chin and turned it to the opposite direction. I could still see his eyes starring at me. A handsome young prince on a black stallion is standing in front of me. Caught in a daze, I submissively tilted my face to get ready for his kiss. I could feel his lips getting closer and closer.

Suddenly, I heard the 007 theme from my phone and I’m back to reality.

Goodbye

My prince took my left hand. Held it tightly. His eyes are on mine. His eyes are the eyes of a bothered man. Though piercing, his eyes show hesitation, fear, and deceit. It got me disturbed. I could feel a fervent storm ahead of me. A storm so strong that it will uproot the foundation that my prince and I have burrowed.

My prince held my chin, signaling me to get ready for his kiss. I could feel the slight held back tremors on his fingers. I submit.

It was his most passionate kiss. His arms wrapped around my waist. Slightly going up to my back. Going all the way up to caress my hair. I returned the passion.

A tear fell from my right eye. I know that this has to be my last.

We got back to our horses and galloped away from our hill. I was at my usual slow pace. My prince looked back. This time I turned away. I did not bother to see if my prince was following or not.

I just want to run away. Forget the feeling. Find myself.

I cried. Though I know that I was in pain, the tears streaming from my eyes are those of triumph, determination, tears that yearn for a love that is true.

Mr. Citrus Lover Broke My Heart

2005-05-04T22:24:00.000+08:00

Mr. Citrus Lover broke my heart.

I already saw it coming, but my usual stubborn self kept on hoping, kept on believing that one day, dinuguan and ponkan would be a toothsome cuisine. They may really be true, when things are not meant for you, not hope nor faith can do anything.

I hate it! Howcome I can’t prove them wrong?

My Puerto Checklist

2005-04-28T23:56:00.000+08:00

Four hours before I leave the house. I'm so excited. The last time I was in Puerto was a blast. That was the first time I got drunk so much, I forgot all about it. Since this is the second time I'll be there, I made up a list of that things that I hope to accomplish before I head back to Manila.

1. Walk the shores of White Beach topless (Hahaha!).

2. Get a nice tan (I love having sun kissed skin.)

3. Have a nicely drawn triple x hena tatoo.

4. Finally have the chance to reflect in a peaceful (not necessarily quiet) place.

5. Get drunk with pitchers of Mindoro Sling (Hahaha another!).

Puerto Galera...here I come!

Just A Thought

2005-04-27T22:53:00.000+08:00

I hate it when people say that somethings are really not meant for you.

It makes hope, faith and perseverance futile. Who knows what's meant for you after all?

Even if you have given up, telling yourself that its not meant for you is a big crap. Always take everything as a challenge. Recognize your errors and let your mistakes be your greatest teacher.

It's not as if the whole world, heaven and earth conived to make you fail.

Of Hanky Pankies, Identity Crisis and Hope

2005-04-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

One of my best buddies, Martin is once again in his problematic self. He’s telling me how confused he is about this guy he went out with last night. This guy (I forgot to ask his name) just broke up with his boyfriend for seven months the day before they went out. Martin likes this guy very much. They found the chance to kiss. Now, their texting and calling each other.

With my usual sisterly self, I tried to give him an advice. I told him that this guy is just on a rebound. Consider this; he’s been single for only a day. What’s worse is Martin knows for a fact how much this guy loves his ex. I told him that if he was indeed promising, what kind of guy would he be dealing with. What kind of guy is he to throw away his love just for one hanky panky night? He himself came to a point where he thinks of fucking (sorry for the word) almost everyone after his break up. Furthermore, I told him that the answer to his dilemma is quite simple: don’t think about it to much.

But how simple could it be if you like the person. I said, “That’s why you would have to look at the whole picture from a point of view that is separate from your feelings. Our feelings make us confused. It is the source of our biases. If we are able to accomplish this, only then can we think clearly.” Having said that, I felt that a different person took over me. A cold, anguished soul.

What happened to the Si|vErGiNn who believes in love at first site? What happened to Matthew who stands that no one can ever define what love is therefore no one can tell that you are not in love even if you think you are? What happened to the person who believes that love needs no rationalization? What happened to me who believes that the heart just feels and it doesn’t think?

I shifted gears when I told Martin about my status with Reggie. I told him how I felt that my relationship with Reggie is just a one way thing. It was so hard to realize and it was even harder to accept the fact that Reggie doesn’t like me that much to go on a serious and committed relationship and he’s slowly making me feel just that. But I still hope. Just as Martin is hoping that what he had with that guy is truly promising.

At that point, I started to feel that I’m back in my shoes.

I think I didn’t give him a good advice. I think I confused him. But on the other hand, I may have given him just what he needs.

To hope even if all the signs say that it’s going to be futile is good. It may not make you happy but it’s good.

Here I Go Again

2005-04-22T22:56:00.000+08:00

In normal circumstances, I dont commit the same mistakes. Because I don't takes things that happent to me for granted, all the lessons learned from one experience should be applied in future situations. But when it comes to love, I'm totally a different person. It's like every situation is a totally different one and you seem to commit the same errors that you could have avoided. Yes, that sounds irrational. But when you are in love, a lot of things seems to make no sense. I guess that's the reason why people say that the heart doesn't think, it feels.

Here I go again, committing the same mistakes.

It's Official!

2005-04-12T22:10:00.000+08:00

It's official! I'm in love! It has been a while since I last felt this. Butterflies in the stomach when you see him; long sleepless nights just thinking of him and the moments that you are together; and being able to embrace the possibility that in a snap of your fingers everything may end and you'll be miserable again.

Right now, I still uncertain about other things. I don't know if Reggie feels the same way towards me. I also don't know if the scars in my heart have healed. I dont know if getting in a relationship would be a great idea. But I guess if you follow your heart everything will fall it its right place. Your heart doesn't have to know, it feels.

I'm in love. What's next?

Falling

2005-04-05T09:04:00.000+08:00

I’m seeing this guy right now. He’s cute, adorable, smart and nice. All the qualities I’m looking for in a man, he has it in spades. We click and I could tell that he likes me as much as I like him.

Strong emotions are suddenly filling me. I’m having a hard time falling asleep. I kept on thinking about Reggie. The way he smiles, the way he throws out those jokes, the way he holds my hands. I could still smell the scent of his perfume. And how can I forget his soft lips.

These feelings are the same one that I felt when I met Ryan. I know I’m starting to fall. I’m so happy. But at the same time, I’m apprehensive. I don’t want to be let down again.

There is one thing that I know for sure, I’m falling for Reggie. But what I don’t know is, if I’m ready to take my chance is falling in love again.

Of Cover Ups And Death In The Long Run

2005-03-22T23:04:00.000+08:00

A few months ago, I got involved with a guy who is already in a committed relationship. Let’s name him Braces. He made me feel so special that's why I decided to take the risk. Surprisingly, in the process, I developed a special bond with his lover who knew all along what was happening between the two of us. He was just so nice. That was mainly the reason why I decided to end it. I felt so guilty and I thought that the least that I could do to return the favor is to stay true and befriend him.

Everything was going smoothly between the three of us until, Braces decided to be his old swinger self and saw other guys. I hated him so much not only because I thought I was one of a kind but also, he is hurting my new friend. I did not say anything at first.

I invited Braces and his lover in a valentine’s party. They turned it down. On the day of the party, one of our common friends saw Braces with ths other guy that he was dating and he said that the two of them will be in the party. I told myself that I have to break my silence. I blew the whistle.

As expected, they fought about it. The bad part of it is that I looked bad not only to Braces but also to his lover. I had expected Braces’s reaction but I was surprised that his lover hated me for telling him the truth.

Another lesson learned.

Now, I’m seeing myself in the same position a few months back. A friend asked me to cover him up for his lover. I won’t commit the same mistake that I did. I won’t blow the whistle; I’ll definitely cover him up.

I thought that will be the best for me. No one will get mad at me at the moment. I might help save a dying relationship. I will gain a favor from a friend. Sure it may not be all good in the long run. But at this point, I’ll reiterate what John Maynard Kanes said, “In the long run we are all dead.”

Such a sad reality. The world is really cruel. We human beings just have to learn to live with it.

The Dance

2005-03-19T21:37:00.000+08:00

Last night I danced like there was no tomorrow. I had nights where the only way to stop me from dancing is when the bar actually closes down. But this one wasn’t just an ordinary night; the lead vocalist of the band that was performing at Streetscape grabbed my hand and dragged me to the stage. My friends cheered me on because I was so hesitant at first. But of course I gave in.

On stage, the view is different, you get to see everybody and of course, you know that all eyes are on you. That made me really nervous. This is the first time I was asked to go up the stage to dance. When I got up, the female lead started to dance in front me. I don’t know but no matter how disgusting (hahaha…) I think that was, I began to gyrate and match my partner’s every move. Everyone was shouting. I really did not know if they were booing me or cheering me on. But what I really know is that I was putting up a great show for them and I’m enjoying every bit of it.

I did not mind if I looked stupid up there or if others felt like I was a show off. That was my few minutes of fame and no one can take it away from me. That was the very first time that I impulsively threw myself to everyone’s attention and I realize that the aftermath really is not that hard to muster.

Slowly I’m beginning to loosen up. I just hope it continues.

Man In The Mirror

2005-03-15T21:41:00.000+08:00

Everytime I look at the mirror, I see a man whose self-esteem has gone lower than the ground that he’s standing on. I see a man whose eyes reflect the resentment of a million rejections and whose smile manifests the anguish of a million disenchantments from people who poses to be true.

As I hold my tummy, feel its bulge, my eyes get all teary. Yes! I’m fat! No matter how people sugar coat it, plump, chubby, tubby, corpulent, it all boils down to the fact that I will be forever domed for the world will continue to be superficial and will continue to discriminate people like me. This is an exaggeration, but come to think of it, millions may attest to its truth.

I’m one of those people who were judged because of the way they look. I’m one of those who were deemed unworthy to have the man of their dreams in their big arms because of the way they tip the scale. I’m one of the victims of this cruel phony world.

When I was young, my cousins used to tease me because I was so thin. Back then my brother would always be behind me whenever I go out to play because kids my age who are taller and bigger tend to bully me. My parents also pay special attention to me because I get sick easily that leads to my frequent visits to the hospital.

Finally, my pediatrician suggested a certain vitamin that changed my whole life. A few days after taking the vitamin, my appetite started to build up. I started to eat more and this relieved my parents from the pains of chasing me everytime they try to feed me.

Since I’m eating more, my resistance grew stronger. My trips to the hospital became less frequent. I started to gain more mass and kids my age stopped teasing me.

Kids my age don’t call me “Lampa” anymore.

My parents got reluctant and they failed to notice that I’m starting to over eat. I became less active. I’d rather sleep when I’m at home than play with my friends. I grew bigger and heavier than what is ideal for my age and height. In grade school, people thought it was cute but when I went to high school people started calling me “Fatso.”

College was the time when I started to explore my sexuality. I met a couple of guys over the internet, got to talk to them over the phone, we got along well. They liked my personality. They would usually say that my humor and wit are one of a kind. Almost instantly, I would fall for them because of their sweet words. After I meet them, they grew cold, they started to ignore me. I know it is because of how I look. Nobody wants to be seen dating a “Fatso.” There is even one who was bold enough to name me “Judy-Ann.” People would say that I could have been more attractive if I’m slimmer. This broke my heart. Men wouldn’t like me because I’m over weight.

My depression led me to over eat. Food comforted me. It is funny that one of the causes of my despair is the only one that embraces me warmly. I grew bigger. I considered myself horrible that I don’t dare stand in front of the mirror. The reflection scares me.

At long last, I decided not to let my depression get the best of me. I began cutting down my food intake. I made sure that I’m eating less in every meal. My diet became healthier when I started to increase my vegetable and fiber intake. I also indulged myself in sports. I have a natural talent in Badminton so I joined various badminton clubs where I get to mingle with people who once shared my despair.

My efforts are being rewarded. I’m starting to shed a few pounds. I’m more confident to look at the mirror now and I’m growing an addiction on taking pictures of myself. However, I’m still far from what the society defines as ideal. I still have a long way to go.

Now, I have enrolled myself in a rigid weight loss and body toning program. Soon I will have the courage to wear those tight fitting shirts, dance topless in clubs and take pictures of my body and post it over the internet.

Soon I will let myself be judged with the size of my arms and legs, the tone of my muscles and leanness of my built. Soon people will see me fit to be part of their world. I will have less disappointments and less rejection. Soon I will be the one disappointing and rejecting people who do not pass the criteria of superficial beauty. Soon I will be part of what I once called phony.

If the world only looks up to the gorgeous ones so be it. Let me be one of them.

Oblivious

2005-03-13T05:46:00.000+08:00

I sleep late (Sleeping at 10pm is already late for me). I wake up to early. It'll take me a very long time to get ready. And when the time my Dad starts knocking at my bedroom door, I start to cram. And when he starts to bang the horns of his car I would sprint down the stairs hoping that I've got all the things that I would need for the day. This has always been my routine before I go to work. I try really hard to fight this awful attitude, to no avail, I can't.

Currently, it is working for me but I know it's doing more harm than good. Getting less sleep makes me less energetic and more irritable (my usual grumpy self times seven). It also gives me eyebags which I didn't have. Moreover, it is making me more oblivious.

Today, I left my wallet at home.

I got to the office earlier than usual. When I decided to go down the building and rush to 7-11 along Valero to grab a bottle of C2, I was so shocked that one of the most valuable things (if not the most valuable) that helps me get though the day is not in its usual slack in my Fitness First bag. I looked at all the compartments in my bag but I did not see my wallet there. I know did not leave it in the car. Suddenly I realized that I did not take it out of my pants when I got home from gimik.

With only thirty pesos in my pocket, I don't know howI will get through the day. This is even barely enough to pay my fare home.

I really should be getting more sleep. I'm getting so forgetful.

Once

2005-02-21T21:29:00.000+08:00

I only come once in your lifetime. So when I pass by you, embrace me. For if you let me slip away you have lost your chance.

No way will I walk the same path twice. Nor will I look back and turn the opposite direction.

For the world taught me the greatest lesson. Self-worth.

What Should Have Been a 14th Monsary

2005-01-29T13:09:00.000+08:00

Everybody deserves a second chance. Most especially the ones who you once promised undying love.

It has been almost a year since Ryan and I separated. If we were still together, today will be our 14^th monthsary. We were together for only three months. Such short time but those were the most memorable months in my life. It was in these months I met the most romantic, most understanding and craziest person in the world. Too bad, what was considered by many as a very promising relationship ended too early than expected.

I tried very hard to make him come back but to no avail. This person once promised that he will re-arrange the heavens if they foretell that we are not meant to be. The heavens were right and he closed his heart for me. He never gave me a second chance.

Right now, I can say that I’m coping. I’m trying to move on. I date once in a while. I even got into a pseudo-relationship with a committed man. But things are holding me back from completely getting over Ryan.

Until now I’m wondering why wasn’t given a second chance. An underlying question to that is “was I really loved?”

Now I Know Better

2005-01-17T01:44:00.000+08:00

If there is one lesson that life taught me the past year, that is never to put your guard down as far as relationships with people is concerned. Don’t put your trust on people because there are bound to fail you. Even if you feel that you can ultimately trust them, don’t.

I was a very trusting soul. It was never so hard for me to open up with anybody. My life is such an open book. But what’s funny is that I always open up to the wrong people. I open up to those who trivialize my pain. I open up to those who talk behind my back. I open up to those who spread my secrets. I open up to those who trivialize my pain, talk behind my back and spread my secrets.

Now, I know better.

I Love You is the Most Bitter Line

2004-12-26T07:42:00.000+08:00

I love you! It’s the most frustrating line for me right now. Words so sweet yet leaves you with so much bitterness. It’s very ironic that you can never say that greatest line to the one you love with all your heart because it will hurt your love’s loved one. Needless to say that it will hurt you knowing that your loved one would not be able to tell you that same line. It’s so frustrating to know that someone who has so much love to give doesn’t have someone to give it to.

Tonight, for the first time, I’ll be crying a river of tears for my prince.

From the very start I conceded that my battle will lead to nowhere but pain. I know that my prince only exists in my dreams and sooner or later I would have to rouse. The time to wake up has come. My prince’s real damsel has been found. He’s no longer mine. He has never been mine. That’s why I never asked him for anything. I never asked him to give me all the love in the world. Nor have I asked him to be mine. All I asked from him is to let me show how I feel.

But if I would have to live my life again, I’ll choose that same path that I traveled. I’d still show the same unconditional love that I showed my prince. Even if I cry a thousand rivers, I’ll be a fool and still love him.

I hope you are right my prince in saying that “goodbye does not mean forever it's one way of saying for now, I’ll be back soon." And to you I say goodbye. I’ll see you in the next track of what we call life.

Goodbye

2004-12-20T07:37:00.000+08:00

My prince took my left hand. Held it tightly. His eyes are on mine. His eyes are the eyes of a bothered man. Though piercing, his eyes show hesitation, fear, and deceit. It got me disturbed. I could feel a fervent storm ahead of me. A storm so strong that it will uproot the foundation that my prince and I have burrowed.

My prince held my chin, signaling me to get ready for his kiss. I could feel the slight held back tremors on his fingers. I submit.

It was his most passionate kiss. His arms wrapped around my waist. Slightly going up to my back. Going all the way up to caress my hair. I returned the passion.

A tear fell from my right eye. I know that this has to be my last.

We got back to our horses and galloped away from our hill. I was at my usual slow pace. My prince looked back. This time I turned away. I did not bother to see if my prince was following or not.

I just want to run away. Forget the feeling. Find myself.

I cried. Though I know that I was in pain, the tears streaming from my eyes are those of triumph, determination, tears that yearn for a love that is true.

When I'm Drunk

2004-12-06T07:31:00.000+08:00

I do the craziest things when I’m drunk.

Barely a month ago, I was in Puerto Galera. I spent three days and two nights there. Two drunken nights. The first night I guess is the most embarrassing. Good thing I don’t remember anything about it. I never really believed that drunkenness really causes memory loss until it happened to me.

After waking up in an unfamiliar room, I could hear my friends talking about an outrageously funny guy from the night before. His famous line was, “I’m okay…I’m not drunk!” He says this before falling from his chair. He would fall from one table to another before finally hitting the sand. They were also saying that while on his way to the room, he accidentally punched one of his friends. This guy also puked several times. He kept the whole gang awake that night because they can’t stop laughing at him. But despite all these they all think that this guy was the coolest.

When I tried to join in the conversation, they all stopped and looked at each other. Then they blurted out that they were talking about me. I was so shocked! Apparently, I never remembered that night. Not a bit. I got so embarrassed; I ran to the washroom and threw up. After that night, they never stopped teasing me. Well, what can I do, I was drunk.

The next night, I was a bit tamer. And I remember everything. All I did was dance on the stage.

It really surprises me how much I can loosen up when I’m drunk. My confidence is at an all time high with alcohol. I remember coming over guys in bars after a few bottles of beer.

However, when the spirits of alcohol leave me and I’m all sober, I’m back to my old prude self. Hesitant, unsure and insecure.

When will I learn to loosen up?

I Was Wrong

2004-12-04T07:28:00.000+08:00

I was so sheltered. I was so trusting of the outside world because I thought that it will never be as bad as what other people say it is. I thought wrong.

I was ever so willing to put my hopes on people that I meet because I think that men are intrinsically good. Again, I was wrong.

How long will I keep on making the same mistakes? How long will I keep on believing the things I have regarded as true?

When will I ever learn!

The Other Side

2004-11-30T07:18:00.000+08:00

Three weeks ago, I went to Puerto Galera. It was a nice place. The people were cool. The water is so clear. Everything is perfect. However, there is one spot there that really caught my eyes. They say this spot is Galera's local "Lovers' Lane." But aside from its sensual reputation, this spot is known for its spectacular boulder formation. People say that the other side is a lot better. What's more interesting is there are only three possible ways for you to reach it. One is if you climb the mountainous boulder formation. Another way is if you swim around it. The last way that leads to that elusive “greener pasture” is if you crawl your way through a very narrow tunnel that barely fits two people.

When I go back to Galera, I’ll make sure that I’ll be able to cross the other side. But the more important question here is how I'll do it.

I have fear of heights so climbing up the boulder formation is out of the choices. Also, one of my parents’ frustrations on me is not being able to learn how to swim so I guess that leaves me with no other choice. I’m not claustrophobic so I think crawling my way out through the tunnel wouldn’t be that hard.

One morning, while I was resting, I dreamed of going back to Galera just to reach the other side. I took the way of the tunnel for I thought that that was the easiest. I started to crawl. My pace was fast at the start but it slowly waned. I guess it is due to fatigue and the uncertainty caused by the darkness that surrounds me. It was cold, dark and wet. Fear started to creep inside my veins. Somewhere along the way I might come across creatures with more than four legs. Anxiety as to whether I’ll reach the end of the tunnel or if it’s just a dead end starts to set in. I’m going slower and slower. I still don’t see the end of the tunnel. Out of nowhere, the thought of Braces sitting on the sand waiting for me at the other end suddenly surfaced. I realized that in order for me to reach the other end, all the fear, anxiety and even the darkness, all these I have to endure. Happiness doesn’t come for free. I would have to work for it.

It’s just like Braces and I. Until that certain moment that we can call each other our own, I should be contented being his “special friend.” It’s the hardest when silence, stolen glances and empty smiles become our way to conform to the proper. It breaks my heart that we would have to wait for the right moment when we can say what we really feel, do what we really want. Just like the tunnel that may not really lead to the other side, it is uncertain that all these will be for the good of our relationship. But there is no turning back.

I love Braces so much. I shouldn’t hesitate!

The Prince on a Black Stallion

2004-11-26T07:12:00.000+08:00

Last night, I had a dream. I was with my charming prince. We were riding our horses across the yellow green plane racing towards the foot of the hill. His was black; mine was white.

I was going a little bit slower. He’s asking if I’m okay, worried that I may not catch up. I told him I was and refused to let him slow down. As time goes by, the gap between us grew wider. It is apparent that my pace will not let me catch up. He kept on looking back and noticed my loss of vigor and stamina. His eyes are not fooling him. I was all bushed up. My usual stubborn and competitive self gave him a look of assurance that I was ok. I told him, “Go on…I will catch up!” The gap was so wide so I have to shout.

He looked away so I thought he’d move on. To my surprise, the black stallion turned and galloped towards me. I was in awe. He tied a knot on my horse, held my hand, and galloped at my pace. We ran towards the hill starring at each other.

Finally, we reached our destination. His eyes were still on me. I tried to look away to hide my blushing cheeks but to no avail a gentle hand held my chin and turned it to the opposite direction. I could still see his eyes starring at me. A handsome young prince on a black stallion is standing in front of me. Caught in a daze, I submissively tilted my face to get ready for his kiss. I could feel his lips getting closer and closer.

Suddenly, I heard the 007 theme from my phone and I’m back to reality.

Braces

2004-11-24T00:48:00.000+08:00

I met a guy who totally turned my world up side down. I’ll name him Braces. Braces is a cute, care free and playful lad. He’s the type of guy who knows that he’s cute and who really works hard to flaunt it. I guess this is why I like him so much. Braces is also witty. His clever remarks just never fail to endear me. Surprisingly, Braces has this profound spot. I think this is the most exciting thing in him. He is so focused with what he wants in life. He works hard and studies hard just to achieve his goals.

I really don’t know why but our chemistry is almost instant. We never had a hard time loosening up. What’s more interesting is that we found ourselves laughing at the same jokes, doing the same antics, and singing the same songs.

We went out a few times and found out more about each other. Making out was inevitable. It would be a lie if I’ll say that I never enjoyed his lips. I did.

During the past days that we were seeing each other, I started to feel different. I’m always flashing my megawatt smile. Often times, people will see me daydreaming. Moreover, people have commented that I’m more mushy and cheesy than usual.

I know the reason why I’m acting like this is because of Braces. Every moment spent with him is magical. It seems like time has suddenly stopped and we’re the only two people in the world.

Unfortunately, Braces is already in a relationship. He’s supposed to be off limits.

For A Change

2004-11-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

My life has always been nestled with in my comfort zone. Pardon me if I think this has made me unexciting and too common. I have been reluctant about this for the past years and never bothered to do something.

A sudden twist in my life made me reailize that this must change. I met someone who made me look at the world differently. I am no longer afraid to let loose. Leaving my comfort zone is not as hard as it used to, not to mention being able to do it successfully.

The feeling is so magical. He is so magical. It makes me think that he may not be real. The feeling might not be real. But then again, what is "real?"

I'm afraid that all this may not last. But I have come to a realization that it doesn't always have to.

Falling for someone is like throwing a stone on a quiet pond. Though it ripples for a short time, the once again peaceful pond still has the stone in it. The stone will now be part of the pond. It is no longer the common and unexciting pond it once was no matter how still it is.